As i write this i am in solitude. Those with a measure of care
notice that I'm seated alone on a bench. Call it indolence to socialise
or an inert personality or maybe its just plain shyness
. Socialising has
never been easy for me. I find it difficult to fuel a conversation to
its destined outcome let alone sparking one. I have a heartless and
soulless social life. In an effortless gaze you can spot me in a crowd.
This sight is replicated so much so the ignorant dub my character as
anti-social.. In fact,i have developed paper cuts as i pursue information
on how to sex up my social life in numerous manuals, best-selling books
and magazines. I have even trawled cyberspace to try and acquire
interpersonal skills. Those efforts to unearth a solution for my
inability to mingle widely haven't come good as yet. I know the social
lane is carpeted by opportunities and connections for growth but the fear
of rejection lurks in the deep corners of my psyche. I have found it
hard to demagnetise myself from the pull of quietude and solitude. I
must admit that sometimes i have had abject attempts at making a
conversation and they have all ended up direful. I look at my peers as
they don't have to- go to hell for leather- as regards creating and
nurturing a good and warm conversation. They seem to know what to say to
charm a lone individual or a gaggle of peers. Not many, embrace a
warmless and humourless chat, the kind of which drums from my voice box.
My phone offers good company in my loneliness with entertainment,
internet and all but i still feel bereft of much needed company. From
the lonesome figure that i cut, i take pride i consider myself a
maverick,a person who rarely lays foot on a path where others tread.. I
am different,i am unique: is the consolation i clutch tightly. I'd
rather reserve my silence than utter something that will be remembered
for ages for its embarrassing value. I know there is no cost in
a tete-a-tete but the capital to mangle a straight chat. for me. is a
skyscraper too high. As i watch the swelling crowd shrink, my thoughts
drift towards the nearest site which will prep me up for the next,
really,airless interaction.
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