Monday, 3 June 2013

In a relationship

As if that title isn't weird enough, it is actually true. I've found that thing they call love, what those pretty boys and girls sing about on MTV
(and let's be clear, the only time i have sleepless nights is when i haven't started and assignment and its due the following day, not coz of loving another human being). It feels kind of different, i mean, at least i walk the paved paths of campus with female company and a pile of more books in my hand since i must become this.... gentleman. I thought love was this wow, enormous, wonderful and sacred feeling that blue-eyed men tearfully profess in the much-maligned soap operas of our times. I heard that this love boils blood, fries bones and roasts body tissues apart from making one smile in the face of misery. It has not at all, all it has done is hypnotised my mind, changed my schedules, interrupted my daily routine, i've enriched Safaricom(they used to get peanuts from me) and a grown man like me has managed buy life-size teddy bears.
          First, my vocabulary had to be updated, words like honey, sweetheart, darling, babe, sugar, sugardish, honeycomb, honeysting. cutiepie, pie=22/7 of your beauty and other heavenly references never existed in my speech. Now i have to utter them everyday...and being called honey or hun isn't sweet to my ears, my name is good enough. I have to compliment her even ifshe has heels on that make her walk like a camel wading in raging flood waters- anyway, it's good for her self-esteem. Then, what i used to call "free time" in which i used to drink a glass of water and then take a loooong nap, has now been replaced by "quality time" with my girlfriend as we watch a romantic movie, that involves lots and lots of crying. She doesn't "do" horror movies coz she won't sleep that night neither action movies coz she doesn't like violence and if i dare doze off in her during boring entertainment...let's leave it there.
            I had to abandon my favourite hang-outs where a cup of 9am tea has a mysterious taste of onions and ugali comes in the shape of a smashed diamond and where cockroaches have the courtesy to say hi as they zoom past your table. Now, we grace restaurants with tiled floors where the menu is as thick as a photo album. During my initial dates, i used to peruse the menu from cover to cover looking for something that i can barely afford let alone the bizarre names they give ordinary food on the menu. A plate of fries and chicken is called "Finger like potatoes with bird" on the ambitious menu. I trained myself to eat ugali, rice, githeri and soup with a fork and knife, i had to learn for my girlfriend to take me seriously and of course love me for meeting her standards. These days i do not subscribe 10MB internet bundles, i sacrificed browsing so that i subscribe 500 texts for sh20 so that i chat with my darling. At the end of the chat session my inbox is full of "Ks" after texting between 100-200 word messages and.. er... other meaningless calls i've had to make,which if i don't make peace.
           I also have to adapt to my queen's changing moods which swing like a pendulum. There is nothing like window shopping that i regularly did, a bar of chocolate must be bought on an innocent trip to town. I used to be tight fisted but now my hands dangle freely around my pocket. That is minus the nagging that "my love" is fond of. I have to bathe everyday coz she likes tight hugs, i have to iron my clothes, enjoyable recycling socks is a thing of the past. On Facebook, my relationship status begrudginly changed, so that means no flirty comments and status updates are enough to be given "the silent treatment." all this while her profile picture is that of Larry Madowo. The positives comes on Facebook. It was really painful, mid last year, i had updated a photo of myself in a 3 piece suit and got only two "likes":-((one of it was mine;-(), it was a 3 piece suit! Couldn't anyone have noticed? But my angel insisted and nagged again that we take a photo and we updated it, to get a whopping 73 "likes" on Fb with comments such as "he is a very lucky man". The other, of course is i used to play my own guitar but now we make beautiful music together...need i say more? I'm, in a relationship, doesn't get any stranger.


  1. Wow! This is awesome,... I love the English. Linguist to the core! Congratulations